fairy tales and prince charming.

Okay, I know I've probably blogged about this before. This post has been in my draft folder for quite some time, and I've re-read this post for probably more than 10 times and I still don't know if I should post it. Oh well. Here goes.

---

Remember when we were little kids and daydream of our prince charming? Well yeah I did that too. I list down 'what I want in a guy'. Or something like that. Ooh wouldn't it be nice to find this person? We'll live happily ever after.

But then life happened. I got the reality check. What I was describing isn't really 'what I want in the guy of my dream'. I was describing 'A Perfect Person'. And who am I to deserve a person like that? I have so many weaknesses, flaws, I don't even know where to begin.

How many times you watched a romantic movie, wishing you found a guy like the main character? Tall, handsome, can play the guitar, even wrote a song for you, sensitive, give you flowers almost everyday, made you breakfast, say something like 'From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you.' Blah blah blah.


Seriously. It's getting on my nerves when I read something like ;
'Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.Who calls you back when you hang up on him,or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,who holds your hand in front of his friends.Who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.One who is constantly reminding you of how much he ...cares and how lucky he is to have you.The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her'.

I found that on someone's Facebook status and more than 10 people 'liked' it.



Aaand I found that on someone's facebook photo.
ZOMG. Please, stop. You'll need ALL of the LUCK in the world to find that. That kind of guy lives on another planet. We should stop living in a fairy tale world.



I've re-read this post too many times and just realized how bitter I sound. Like I've given up on guys. HAHAHA. I'm not. I believe The One for me is out there, somewhere. But, I don't know. Some girls' expectation of guys are too high it's amusing. I want a guy like this, like that.

Now, I'm not saying you should stop hoping The One, Mr. Right, or whatever you called him, won't ever show up. I'm saying you should stop waiting for someone perfect. Nobody is. But that doesn't mean you should settle for someone less than what you deserved either :) He'll have his days, and you'll have yours(read : PMS).

At the end of the day, all you want is someone who loves you, for YOU. So what if he doesn't buy you flowers, chocolate everyday? I found that corny. So what if he doesn't say all that swoon-worthy quotes you heard in the movies? He probably has used that on other girls before. I prefer honesty over sweetness.


The reason I was, unsure if I should post this or not is because I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes. You know how hope dies last? Sometimes I hope I will find that perfect person. Not PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, just perfect for me. If that makes sense.
That prince charming. Happy endings.
Because we don’t wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach.
Guess we'll have to wait and see, huh?


Oh and by the way, the guy described above, in brown italics and in the picture, honestly, reality aside, every girl wants that.



"When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."

— Taylor Swift

bruised, not broken.

as you can read from my previous post, i went to popular selayang mall.

you know, i'm getting bored going to selayang mall because whenever you go there, you'll ALWAYS bump into someone you know. it's freaking jejak kasih. and the worst part is when you know that person, and that person knows you, but neither of you say anything. dont you just hate that? i admit i did that. i dont want to be the one saying hi, sometimes you dont know if that person still recognizes you or not.

so anyway, at popular i saw him with someone else. should i say hi? should i pass by him without saying anything? i did the second. i know, stupid. he obviously saw me. but he didnt say anything. of course, he's with his girlfriend.

so that's why. that's why he ignores me, that's why he never reply my message anymore, he never missed call me anymore like he used to.
he said he likes me. more than friends. he looks at me differently, not the way he looks at other girls. he feels different about me, not the way he feels about other girls. he sent me sweet messages. i like him too. but not like really LIKE. i didnt let my guard down. he knocks the door, but i didnt let him in. (it's a metaphor,people.)
we were like thisclose to become a couple, but neither of us found the ..i dunno, the bravery? neither of us wanted to get over our ego?

then i moved to teknik. i remember his number and one day, i called him using public phone at the asrama. i was so nervous, i asked my friend to talk with him first. i was shaking when i picked up the receiver and nervously say 'hello'. it was technically our first conversation, we never talked, always text message each other.that night, i couldn't sleep.

we grew apart. i couldnt bring my handphone to asrama.

sometimes he sent me a text message saying 'i miss you', but i didnt reply the same thing. because it's the truth. really, i know i'm not the kind of person anyone would miss, and it's fine with me because i dont miss anyone anyway. except my best friends and my family at that time.

we grew apart even more. i guess when he wrote i miss you and i didnt say the same thing, he gave up on me. he stopped sending me sms. when i sms him, it took him hours to reply, sometimes he didnt. i didnt want to look desperate, so my ego stopped me from contacting him. he did the same.

time passed by and i've moved to ideal heights. forgot about him already. whatever.

yesterday, i saw him with another girl, she used to be my classmate.
i hate to admit it, but it hurts. it really did. and that's when i dragged alin to mcd because eating would make me feel better. chocolate will make me feel better.

how can i be so blind? of course he has someone else. of course he lied when he said all those sweet things. of course he didn't,doesn't, won't like me.
i'm such a fool. so stupid for didnt see that coming. so stupid for believe what he said.
you know what's stupider? i actually hope he'd text message me saying , maybe like 'saw you just now'. ok he probably wont say that, he'd say 'saya nampak away tadi' coz he sucks not that good in english.

and i did something stupider. i went to her(not his) myspace and saw their pictures together.

i am officially the biggest moron in the world selayang.

i am/was not jealous, just ..angry? i just wanted him to say goodbye. dont get my hopes up. he surely has the biggest hammer in the world to shatter my hope. for that, thanks.

i wont lie, i'm sad. i listened to sad songs right now. but a part of me is happy. you know why? because i feel other emotions! i know how it feels to see your ex(he's not, but kinda. haha) with another girl. i feel happy because i'm sad. but i didnt cry.

i am officially the biggest moron AND a freak.

i want to say bad things about him, but i wont. i'll take the high road.
so to him,(i dont think he'll read this) thank you for bruising my heart. no you didnt break my heart. you dont get to do that. you didnt have the key. i wish you're happy with her. btw, i think she is fat and ugly suits you. ;) ;)

dont ask me anything about this, dont ask me who 'he' is, dont say 'i never knew you liked him'.
because i'm over it. he's just another chapter of my life.
no,he doesnt deserve that. he's just another sentence of my life. :)

you like 70% of my body.

i watched this video where david archuleta(yes, his name again. deal with it) said he heard(not invent/use) this cool pickup line.

him : do you like water?
her : yes
him : well you like 70% of my body.

LOL how awesome ;D
probably one of the best pickup line i've heard.

---

i hate makeup. i dont want to be a hypocrite and said i won't ever wear it, but i rarely do. i felt like i'm putting on some kind of chemicals on my face. i've seen makeup works its magic, transforming so-so people to beautiful people. but i dont like putting on makeup.

i like lipgloss though. anything to put on the lips. i have like 5 different lipgloss/lipbalm. but even that, i rarely use. i bought this revlon lipgloss last year i think, and it looks like it haven't been used at all. -.-"

i used to wear eyeliner, but too leceh lah. sometimes it itches too. worse, if i cry. even if i use the most waterproof eyeliner/mascara, it won't work. (i think la. :D)

daily i use just bedak. and uhrm, deodorant. hello, if u didnt notice already, malaysia is really hot! i love one of those rare days when it's not hot and a bit cloudy in the morning and i go home not sweating.

what else...oh for my face, i use only just the pencuci muka. no moisturizer, toner whatever. i dont think it's necessary. i'm really so very grateful that i have normal skin. sometimes a bit oily. occasionally pimples here and there. most of the time it'll go away by itself, no need to use oxy , t3 . xD usually breakout when i'm about to have my period. so it's normal for girls.

i seriously dont know why i'm writing about.. beauty products ? :D

---

i was really lazy to go to school last friday. nak pergi ke tak nak.. hrm.

on one episode of one tree hill, haley, brooke and peyton go for a road trip. then on the way they're bored, the play this game. they ask whatever questions they want to ask, then turn to any random song on the radio. the lyrics is the answer.


BROOKE: OK, my turn. Oh, wise radio, what is gonna happen to me in New York at the Rogue Vogue fashion show?

HALEY: That was the first question you asked and you can’t ask the same question twice.

BROOKE: Well, I didn’t like my answer and it’s not like only one thing can happen at a fashion show.

PEYTON: Yeah, but it defeats the purpose of the radio game. It’s like magic eight ball; you have to take the first answer you get.

HALEY: Yeah, I didn’t get a do-over when the answer to my question: ‘What will happen with me and Nathan’ was ‘Highway to Hell’. OK?

BROOKE: Fine. I will accept that at some point this weekend, someone will pour some sugar on me.

BROOKE: My next question is: what is Lucas thinking about?

(She fiddles with the radio again.)

BROOKE: Right… (stops turning the dial) now.

(Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary MacGregor starts to play. Everyone’s spirit dies.)

BROOKE: OK, new game. (turns the radio off)


it was funny if you watch the show. xD
if u didnt, well basically, lucas is in love with peyton and brooke. so he IS 'torn between two lovers'. it was an awkward moment.

so i thought i'd give it a try. i ask 'should i go to school?' then i turn on my radio. last night i listen to hitz.fm so i stick with it. i didnt fiddle with the radio. and i heard.. 'yeah, yeah, yeah..' from the song 'this is how you remind me' by nickelback. i was shocked! and so i decided to go to school. :D :D :D

try it! xD

---

i love taylor swift ! really hope she'd come to malaysia one day. i want to go to her concert. since my luck had been used up winning david archuleta's tickets, i think i have to buy(not win) the tickets.. :D

you lift my feet off the ground
you spin me around
you make me crazier crazier
feels like im falling
and i, i'm lost in your eyes
you make me crazier crazier crazier


really hope i can write beautiful lyrics like her. maybe i dont have enough experience of heartbreak or fallen madly in love. xp

"to be trusted is a far greater compliment than to be loved" - ramsay macdonald

i read that quote on miley cyrus's twitter.

it's true isn't it? :) even when you love someone, doesnt mean you completely trust that person.
trust takes a longer time to be developed than love.


and really, i dont trust other people enough to give my heart away so that's why my heart ; there's only minor bruises, not broken. ;)

#52

oh yay! didn't even realize this is actually my 52nd blog post. i know it's not , memorable or something. i just can't think of a suitable title. =P

i dont really want to blog about the drama competition. we lost. i was bored, sleepy, hungry. PMS some more. hrggh. we should've used british accent. met taylor lautner look-a-like,(yes pka, taylor is hotter. dont worry. xD) and also there's one french(maybe) guy. who looks like he's in his twenties. haha. but kinda hot. will ask pictures of him from alicia. haha. thanks to deephan(sp?) for taking his pictures. since me and mus failed to be a stalker, had to ask him. heh.

borrowed boon cheong's ipod, which me and mus are like so jakun and really didnt know how to operate that thing. like org asli baru dpt handphone. really. we were 'oooo...' 'camtu ke...' when boon cheong told us how to play the videos and all. i screamed when there was david archuleta's clip video in it. took my breath away everytime. ngehee. what's cuter than david archuleta? david archuleta smiling. hahah.

i took videos..but i dont know how to upload it. can't use the usual usb cable bcoz it's recorded in a tape, not a cd. will try to figure out later.

---

had been googling, youtube-ing about david archuleta for the past hours. i know that he likes Thai food, Sara Bareilles(whom i love too), wants Robin Williams to play him if his life was made into a movie, urm, second oldest sibling(like me. yay). doesn't like mathematics,if he could take any celeb to prom he'd choose jordin sparks, has a dog and a goldfish, his high school locker number was 607.

i'm a good stalker ;D
or maybe a good Googler. haha.

"I just want to squish you, squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rear-view mirror." - Paula Abdul to David Archuleta.

L O L.
how extreme.
because he's too cute!! *melts*

---

so anyway, i won't go to Borders at times square anymore. dont ask why. x_x

---

my dad had just bought an iPhone. i'm hooked. i want one too.

you know once upon a time...

having a handphone, even super bulky one : you're so cool!
then..
having a smaller cell phone : you're so cool!
then..
having a cell phone with colour screen : phewit!
then..
having a cell phone with camera : huiyoo!
then..
having a cell phone with mp3, bluetooth, internet whatever : wah..cun gila!
then..
having a cell phone with touch screen : terrer la!
then..
having an iPhone : mesti kaya org ni. then buat2 x heran but actually jealous.

haha.
i'm just waiting for one day when iPhone become so yesterday. meaning there'd be more more advanced phone than iPhone. but dont know when/what/how it'll happen. i think iPhone is so advance already. but somehow i think japan already have something cooler than iPhone. you know la japanese..

---

i didn't go to school on monday. reason? woke up late. ngeheee. my first time really. before this my mom always wakes me up. but now she's away for umrah. i miss her so much =[
anyway, i probably won't go to school this friday because i want to fetch my mom at the airport. yay. xD

i get excited over little-est things. i get ridiculously super excited whenever i go to the airport even though i'm not the one who's going to be in the aeroplane. adrenaline rush. oh our KLIA really is one of the best in the world. other airports i've been to, i was like, huh, is this really an airport? haha. not that i travel a lot or anything..

---

ok i accept the fact that i'm a quiet person. pendiam. when i was in form 3, my teacher did this thing, you write your name on a piece of paper, then pass it around to your classmates. your classmates have to write what they think of you@their wish for you(good luck etc) or just anything. but you can't read what other people wrote to that person. for example A can't read what P wrote to H. only H can read what people wrote to him/her.

and quite a few of my classmates wrote i'm a quiet person.

hrm, my family won't ever describe me as pendiam. i'm like, the 'sonel' in my family. xD

split personality? maybe. i can talk non-stop and be so pendiam. i think for people who read my blog and never actually meet me, would maybe assume i'm bubbly, talkative. i AM, but only for limited period of time. haha.

one thing i notice is i always befriend with someone who loves to talk. my best friends(fiqa&gbob), alin, bibah. they always have something to talk about. i can only 'ooohhh' 'ahhhhh' 'really??' or laugh at appropriate time. but i dont mind.

what i do mind is erm, if someone talks about boys too much. ok he's cute, he's ugly, he's funny etc. sometimes i just dont want to know. ok he flirts with you, what's that got to do with me? ok he smiled at you. that doesn't mean he likes you. maybe you got spaghetti sauce on your nose or something.

my brain did this thing where it always remember things i want to forget. for example like embarassing moments or gross pictures. x_x

but i love to talk about cute-boys-you-wont-ever-hook-up-with. like david archuleta, chace crawford, zac efron etc. you know, hot guys that girls all over the world just want to throw themselves at. THAT, i dont mind talking. haha.

maybe i just love to write, not talk. writing is so much easier. i ALWAYS stutter. =.=

---

8tv airs american idol season 7, which david archuleta was in it. last night i decided to sleep at 10p.m. something, then wake up at 12.45a.m. JUST to watch him. just to watch his cute face when ryan said he's safe and can take a seat. xD but i overslept and woke up at 1.15a.m. , which david archuleta's turn already passed. so i go back to sleep. sigh.

---

i hate watching unrealistic chick flick. for example 'angus, thongs and perfect snogging'. girls in the movies can screw up all they want and still get the hot guy in the end. erm yeah..real life isn't like that. can't there be a movie where the girl didnt get the guy in the end? the guy actually chose the bitch instead of the main heroine? that'd be fun.

i didn't PICK my nose, i was BORN with it.

this week passed by SO.DAMN.SLOW.

ugh.

oh i love this post's tittle. i thought it's very funny. xD
found it when i was just surfing the net.



classmate chaos.

as usual before class starts we'd say good morning or selamat sejahtera.. today, at 7.30 a.m. we said 'GOOD AFTERNOON MADAM TAN !' haha. eventhough it's still dark outside. even when miss wong enters the class around 8.15 a.m. we said good afternoon. then miss wong just nods like "ye la, ye la. duduk duduk". then a few seconds she said " eyh good afternoon??" xD apa la teacher ni. she's so cute. reminds me of chibi maruko chan.

dont they look alike?? xD

and sometimes we shout " TERIMA KASIH CIKGUUU !!!" REALLY LOUD. hahah. that always cracks me up. cikgu saadiah had to actually cover her ears. oh we didn't do it this year,,but last year when miss wong enters the class we'd said "good morning miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss wong". really long. hahah. even the married teacher we'd say 'miss'. like miss mahes la sometimes. kah3.
what else...hrm forgot already. and yep, (some of) my classmates are crazy.

me and bibah actually bonded with seng and tam as we're in the same group for oral and lisan. they actually do have a sense of humour ! i always see them studying and doing their homeworks.. i thought they're really serious. seng actually likes to sing eventhough he didnt admit it.


cheap.


on...tuesday, i ate yong tau foo (dont know the spelling) with bibah after school. we sat behind this group of girls. ok that was me being nice. we actually sat behind this group of sluts. ugh!! they're so gedik and tegur all the boys.. calling them manja2.. for example nobitaaaa,, duduk la sini... then giggles. EWW. we actually had to change place because i can't stand another second of their gedik-ness. they're not even pretty. seriously. grow up la wei. life is not about chasing boys. do boys even like when girls call them like that? maybe. whatever. i WON'T EVER do that just to catch a boy's attention. the girls sluts looked so CHEAP.
tiga seploh tiga seploh.... aaa pilih pilih. manyak murah.



playboy? L O L


i HATE being a prefect. i have to watch other students eat while my stomach is grumbling. so on thursday i jokingly said to choon kit, " choon kit, lapar la. CEPAT BELIKAN KEROPOK!! " then to my surprise he just nods and walk away to buy it. i tried to stop him and said i was just kidding. a few minutes later he returned with keropok in hand. i was totally shocked ! i didn't expect he would seriously buy it. so terharu.

then i said to kirthiga that choon kit is SO NICE. but then she said something about choon kit is a 'player' or playboy. likes to play with girls' heart,say sweet things etc. she warned me to be a bit careful. i didn't say anything but in my heart i was like "H U H ??? choon kit, player??" it's beyond my imagination. lol.

i like it when i called his name and he replied "ye sayang?"
ngeee. so sweet.
(note to other boys : dont ever call me sayang. seriously, dont.)

of course he didn't mean it la. not only to me but other girls he'd call sayang too. but that doesnt mean he's a player oke! he's just joking.

wish i could have a brother like him ;)


crushcrushcrush.

currently crushing on someone. i want to give you hints but i think alin would know who it is. heh.
or maybe it's not a crush. i like seeing his face. i think he's not taken, but i dont really care. he's just one of the guys i like but not actually want to hook up with. and trust me, it's normal. =)



so that's pretty much how my week went.
my sister is coming back which means i won't get to sleep with plaff. i'll miss you buluz.

iloveyousomuch x 10^1000000

ps;
(american idol)
DANNY GOKEY rocks my socks off. i was jumping up and down alone in my living room when he sings. ;p
he sang hero by mariah carey, such an amazing song, almost makes me cry. he had a tough time,(his wife died a month before he auditions) to reach where he is now, and he deserves to be in the top 12 more than anyone.

one of those days

Great.

now that i've posted something bout me crying, lots of people gonna think i'm sensitive, a crybaby. IT'S OK PEOPLE !! YOU CAN HURT ME..I WON'T CRY ! =] i won't cry in public when you say you want to break up with me to hook up with that slut over there..you'd get free gift though, a slap or a kick. you can have both if you want ;)

haha no just kidding la. just kidding bout the second part..i really won't mind if you said you want to break up with me.i won't cause a scene.. plus, it's a real gentleman of you. most guys would break up over the phone or just text message bout it. eeekk.

anyway, stop talking@writing bout boys. they're SO not worth talking bout. *evil laugh* when girls get together, somehow 'boys' always ended up in the conversation. geez. STOP IT girlfriends. seriously. as for me,


UNLESS YOUR LAST NAME IS CULLEN, I'M HONESTLY NOT INTERESTED ;)

for right now anyway. you can't keep clinging to the hope of edward cullen do exists.


----



today i experienced one of those (really rare) days where everything turns out as planned.

first i eat at school. alone. i must've looked like one of those lonely girl who doesnt have friends.. so pathetic. huh. i thought of going to tuition straight from school..but i dont want to go to tuition in my school uniform..yikes. i dont have any transport to go to tuition so gotta get a taxi.. luckily there's a LOT of taxi in my school area.

i went back home, luckily the pakcik can wait for me to change my clothes and get my books. then asked him to drive me to tuition. in the end, the fare cost rm8.20.

today went to sejarah class..for trial only. just to kill the time..haha. my mom would fetch me at 6.45 p.m. ..the class ended at 4.15. aiyarks. no money left if i want to go back by taxi. anyway sejarah class is fun as always..not like it's my first time going to mr shiva's class. hrm.

oh, before the class started, we just hang around in front of the class.. nothing to do except talking. bla3. there's this guy who wore his school uniform..so of course the school's badge is there. i was like, 30 cm away from him and trying to read the name of the school on his badge. i saw SMT .. i thought, "oh. teknik ?" then i went closer just to make sure. hahaha. he must've thought " apa kena lak dak ni?? skodeng aper??" haha. but he didn't do anything la..maybe didn't notice me squinting my eyes trying to read his school's name. kikiki.


I'M A MENTOS-ADDICT. MENTOS-HOLIC.
seriously, everytime i go to tuition, i would buy mentos. my favourite is BERRY BLAST.. well that's the only flavour that i like. =p




yawn. it's 0104 now. gotta sleep. nowadays i always feel sleepy and tired..but i just can't sleep. probably i'm thinking too much about ..stuff that i shouldnt worry bout. sigh.

cry.

I cried.

I cried reading mitch albom books.

I cried from watching anything.

One tree hill, grey’s anatomy. I cried watching denny duquette died eventhough I’ve watched it millions of times. I freaking cried watching American idol coz someone got the golden ticket. hah.

when I’m all alone, I’m me. I don’t hold back my tears. I like the feeling, I like how the tears streaming down my cheek. I let it flow, I didn’t wipe it. When I look at myself in the mirror, I looked ridiculous. Even scary when my so-called-waterproof mascara was ruined. But somehow I felt better inside. There’s a wave of calmness, peace. Like I know somehow everything is going to be ok.

Sometimes I don’t want to cry. Sometimes my chest hurts,like it’s gonna explode, for holding back the tears. Lump forming in my throat. I bit my lips so hard that I thought it’s going to bleed if I bit it for one more second. When someone hurts me from inside, I don’t want to let them win. I don’t want them to feel the satisfaction for crushing me. You won’t have that. I’d numb myself, immune to tears. Cut the connection wire of my tear ducts to my brain. Another thing that I did, whenever I felt like I want to cry, I’d hold back, take a deep breath, and smile. It works for me. Like there’s a voice inside my head that said,” there there now, anis. everything’s going to be ok. ssshh, don’t cry.” I know I might sound crazy, but then, when nobody’s there to comfort you, you have no one but yourself, isn’t it?

I don’t like crying in public, even in the dark movie hall. I know nobody can see me cry, but still, I won’t. If I know for sure the movie is a sad movie, I’d skip watching it in cinema and bought the dvd instead. I’d watch it alone, sometimes with my teddy bear, and also Kleenex, and cry my eyes out. ^^,

Last time I cried? Yesterday. One Tree Hill. when peyton being so bitchy(I like her bitchy version better.haha) and Lindsey cried because peyton mocks her about being a daddy’s girl. She didn’t know Lindsey’s father is dead and Lindsey was by her father’s bedside when his life support was cut. Hearing the flat beep sound, meaning only one thing; he’s not here anymore. Right in front of you. The person that you knew all your life is not here anymore. You can’t pick up the phone to hear his voice anymore, you can’t see him smile.. =[

Also I don’t think crying over boys/girls are worth it. So he broke up with you, you move on. it’s ok to cry of course, but being all moody, cry every night to sleep, because of one BOY, so not worth it. girls, don’t let him win. play ‘I will survive’ on top volume, or whatever song you want to bang your head on. You’ll find someone better. ;)

But then again, I never get dumped, (I’d dump him first. hah) so I didn’t know how it feels.

One thing for sure; crying is not a sign of weakness. Guys can act all macho outside, but he still cry. 75% of guys admitted shedding a few tears watching The Notebook. =)

Relationship 101 with Anis

brandi carlile - the story

i was having my PMS moments... but i'm ok now. =D
so i've been 'composing' this post in my head for the last few days..since i can't online often coz of the homeworkSSS. loads of it. i want to write bout the whole girls and boys thing..relationship ,couple thingy. blame the hormones. really. lol.

so urm, read on.
it's kinda long..but it's worth reading.
i may have accidentally reveal my secret here and there. oh well.



CRUSH.
seriously, who didnt develop a crush(or crushes) when they're teenagers are seriously unhealthy. haha. even the quiet, demure one probably had a crush on someone. they just won't admit it. sometimes i ask my friends "ada suka sapa2 x?? juz ckp ya atau tak je. bkn nk tau saper pun" and they answer would be yes.
last week i think, i write bout i have a crush on this boy,, but now the feeling fades. it's normal la. at first "eee he's so hot/cute/handsome la !" but the next minute "eww he's SO not my type".

i'm the kind of girl who develops a 'crush at first sight', but the next day wondering what the hell did i see in him.

LOVE.
aahh, this overrated thing. i used to think love is overrated, but in the movies they do make it like it's SO magical, so enchanting etc that people actually want to believe it exists. we all wanna believe in true love. we all wanna believe in happily ever after. but then again,it's in the MOVIES/TV. people can make up pretty much anything. aliens, superheroes, animals that talk,.. just name it. it's there.

one thing that i learned from the US movies/tv and books, when a person said 'i love you',the other person HAVE to say it back(if he/she do love her/him lar.) "Me too" is not accepted. gotta be "i love you".(or anything that means much more than that la. in twilight when bella said 'i love you', edward replied 'you are my life now'. that counts. =D )

if not, that means the other person just doesn't feel the same way. they could be a couple,girlfriend and boyfriend but haven't said i love you yet ! can u believe it ?? they make it look like those three words mean so much. if u dont mean it, DONT say it.here in msia, all those puppy love, baru jumpa seminggu, couple, ckp i love you. EWW. they make it look SO CHEAP. i dont want that.

right now, at 16 years and 1 month old, i officially haven't been in love.i mean like, c'mon, we're just a teenagers. what do we know bout love?
dirty little secret; i've said i love you to someone but dont actually mean it.

i was googling some things and hey hey, what d'ya know, even robert pattinson never been in love.
click here to read bout it.



BROKEN HEART.
ok so here's the thing. as i wrote earlier, i've never been in love(but pernah couple, which i didnt like at all). so i definitely did not suffer from a major heartbroken. yet. (the minor heartbroken happens a lot, for example seeing johnny depp already have a girlfriend. haha)
but still, sometimes, i want to know how it feels. i've read and see how painful,.. how depressed someone is,.. when they're heartbroken. for example last tuesday, i watch ONE TREE HILL, peyton is totally crushed when she knows lucas proposed to lindsey. talk about action speaks louder than words. i can't even imagine how it feels to be in peyton's shoes. it's so cliche when peyton said to lucas to be happy and she'll sacrifice her feelings and all that..but i still cry ! i was rooting for brucas, which in season 5 WILL NOT happen at all, but seeing leyton like that..sigh. the producers sure know how to make the fans wanting more. if lucas and peyton get married, then what ? it'll be pretty boring..

so back to the whole heartbroken thing, yeah i want to be heartbroken. i know, weirdo. a normal person surely wont ever wish that. but hey, there's lessons to be learnt later right? we'll make better choices..we'll be more careful to choose our partner.. but the thing is, if i want to be heartbroken, i have to 'give' my heart to someone else right ? that's the hardest part coz..it's hard for me to trust someone. and also hard coz . . .

ok ok i admit i fell in love with jacob too when i read breaking dawn..he's funny !
but still, edward rules ! *team edward*


so erm,anybody who's really good at hypnotizing me to give my heart away and return it back to me in pieces, do contact me.



FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX.
i strongly believe a girl and a guy can be friends without any feelings attached. but being friends with your ex? i dont think so. i just laughed whenever i read celebrities couple who broke up and said 'we remained to be good friends'. c'mon la, who are u kidding? u've probably delete his/her number in your mobile phone. i like this quote,

If two past lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love or they still are.

and that exactly what happens. i'm 'kinda friends' with my ex coz i'm....never been in love with him. heh. sorry hun, i never felt that way bout you.so i guess that's why people dont want to date their friends..mainly coz it'll ruined the friendship. if it ends well, ok la. if it ends badly? i dont think things will be the way it is when they're still friends. it'll be awkward.


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I KNOW when i look back and read this..maybe 5 or 10 years from now i would laugh and think how immature i was. but hey, that's part of being a teenager.. being crazy and carefree.. trying so hard to be cool.. bla3.

so that's all for now. hope you had fun reading. heh.
i know you probably won't do this, but do drop a comment !
sayonara~ !