bruised, not broken.

as you can read from my previous post, i went to popular selayang mall.

you know, i'm getting bored going to selayang mall because whenever you go there, you'll ALWAYS bump into someone you know. it's freaking jejak kasih. and the worst part is when you know that person, and that person knows you, but neither of you say anything. dont you just hate that? i admit i did that. i dont want to be the one saying hi, sometimes you dont know if that person still recognizes you or not.

so anyway, at popular i saw him with someone else. should i say hi? should i pass by him without saying anything? i did the second. i know, stupid. he obviously saw me. but he didnt say anything. of course, he's with his girlfriend.

so that's why. that's why he ignores me, that's why he never reply my message anymore, he never missed call me anymore like he used to.
he said he likes me. more than friends. he looks at me differently, not the way he looks at other girls. he feels different about me, not the way he feels about other girls. he sent me sweet messages. i like him too. but not like really LIKE. i didnt let my guard down. he knocks the door, but i didnt let him in. (it's a metaphor,people.)
we were like thisclose to become a couple, but neither of us found the ..i dunno, the bravery? neither of us wanted to get over our ego?

then i moved to teknik. i remember his number and one day, i called him using public phone at the asrama. i was so nervous, i asked my friend to talk with him first. i was shaking when i picked up the receiver and nervously say 'hello'. it was technically our first conversation, we never talked, always text message each other.that night, i couldn't sleep.

we grew apart. i couldnt bring my handphone to asrama.

sometimes he sent me a text message saying 'i miss you', but i didnt reply the same thing. because it's the truth. really, i know i'm not the kind of person anyone would miss, and it's fine with me because i dont miss anyone anyway. except my best friends and my family at that time.

we grew apart even more. i guess when he wrote i miss you and i didnt say the same thing, he gave up on me. he stopped sending me sms. when i sms him, it took him hours to reply, sometimes he didnt. i didnt want to look desperate, so my ego stopped me from contacting him. he did the same.

time passed by and i've moved to ideal heights. forgot about him already. whatever.

yesterday, i saw him with another girl, she used to be my classmate.
i hate to admit it, but it hurts. it really did. and that's when i dragged alin to mcd because eating would make me feel better. chocolate will make me feel better.

how can i be so blind? of course he has someone else. of course he lied when he said all those sweet things. of course he didn't,doesn't, won't like me.
i'm such a fool. so stupid for didnt see that coming. so stupid for believe what he said.
you know what's stupider? i actually hope he'd text message me saying , maybe like 'saw you just now'. ok he probably wont say that, he'd say 'saya nampak away tadi' coz he sucks not that good in english.

and i did something stupider. i went to her(not his) myspace and saw their pictures together.

i am officially the biggest moron in the world selayang.

i am/was not jealous, just ..angry? i just wanted him to say goodbye. dont get my hopes up. he surely has the biggest hammer in the world to shatter my hope. for that, thanks.

i wont lie, i'm sad. i listened to sad songs right now. but a part of me is happy. you know why? because i feel other emotions! i know how it feels to see your ex(he's not, but kinda. haha) with another girl. i feel happy because i'm sad. but i didnt cry.

i am officially the biggest moron AND a freak.

i want to say bad things about him, but i wont. i'll take the high road.
so to him,(i dont think he'll read this) thank you for bruising my heart. no you didnt break my heart. you dont get to do that. you didnt have the key. i wish you're happy with her. btw, i think she is fat and ugly suits you. ;) ;)

dont ask me anything about this, dont ask me who 'he' is, dont say 'i never knew you liked him'.
because i'm over it. he's just another chapter of my life.
no,he doesnt deserve that. he's just another sentence of my life. :)