Out of the woods

In a strange turn of events, this is the first week where I actually have the time to relax and gasp — take the time to blog. 

Assalamualaikum and hello to you.

As always, I’m taking the Michael Scott approach to blogging:

So first of all - classes. It’s going pretty well I’d say, and by well I mean sleepless nights, going to bed at 4 a.m. with throbbing headaches because of assignments. Okay slight exaggeration but I’m… hanging in there. Sixty-two days till graduation but who’s counting, ey? (ME.) 

I applaud my friends who’re going to grad school to pursue Masters or PhD because honestly, I can’t take it anymore. I just do not find it in me to sit in a classroom, going through the syllabus, making sure I follow the rubrics to get an A on an assignment, being stressed out like no other. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE learning. I’d love nothing more than to pick up books on linguistics, sociology, women’s studies (yay feminism!) and take my own sweet time to read about it. No test, no assignment, no looking up citations.

Anyway. Days till graduation: 62. 

I do look forward to putting on my graduation robe, the silly looking hat (honestly, who even came up with this design?) and hearing my name horribly mispronounced on graduation day as I walk across the stage to receive my degree. All of my effort, for four years, rolled into that brief few seconds. I’ve never had a proper graduation day - not at my high school, not at INTI. And the saddest thing is? My parents, whose photos I looked at when I was about to give up, whose voices assured me everything’s going to be okay, telling me to do my best and that’s all they ever ask, whose presence I — brb getting some Kleenex — I badly miss, won’t be there for my graduation day. I know, I’m just being overdramatic. I should be really grateful to be here in the States when so many others would kill to be in my place. Aih syukur, Anis!

I will miss this place. This town. I really will.

It’s not much. Sure there’s only one mall, but honestly, if you’re really shopping, you can easily spend 4 to 5 hours in there. Every time I go to Target, I will internally scream “DON’T DO THIS TO ME TARGET” because their home section is perfect and exactly how I pictured my tiny little house is going to be (basically a mash up of IKEA and Target — yes. So much yes.) I will miss the 4 seasons. I’d say fall is my favorite, with the leaves SO beautifully, gracefully, changed colors. But winter is not bad too. So many people tried to convince me that I’d hate it, the only time I’ll like it is the first couple of weeks and I’d be wishing it all goes away.

Um, it’s my second year and I wish it snows already.

My beautiful campus!

It’s a wonderland here. I never have to shovel nor drive in the snow, which from what I heard can be absolutely odious and what people hate about winter but other than that, I love seeing the tiny snowflakes fall on my sleeves. Looking out my window in the morning and see how much snow accumulated overnight. Looking out my window as it’s snowing with a cup of hot Milo in my hand, wrapped my fuzzy blanket around me like a cape. Seeing the snowmen people built on my way to class. This place becomes a giant snow globe and little ol’ me, who wished her entire life to touch real snow with her bare hand (and then learned the hard way that was a bad idea as my hands turned numb.)

I guess you can say I’m not ready to grow up. To face “the real world.” But who is, really?

I think that’s how I approach motherhood as well. Okay this is going far off topic but basically I babysat my friend’s two-year-old daughter and she’s cute, but I’m definitely not ready to be a mom oh my goodness. I’ll just coo at any tiny babies I see but having one on my own? I’ll… wait till He thinks I’m ready, thank you very much.

When I was back in Malaysia people left and right were talking about marriage, if not getting married themselves. I don’t feel pressured, I’m not even 22 yet! Sheesh, still so young, people. But so many are feeling the pressure to get married TOMORROW if they can. I just believe in God’s timing, nomsain. He knows what's best so why worry?

Anyway. I'd say "heading to bed" but I am already in bed so... I don't know how to end this... I guess this is where we part ways. Good night, farewell, toodly doo.

At Niagara Falls, 5 October 2014