Questions, questions.

Do you know what you are? Here's what you are.
Do you know who's the cutest?

While these things are cute and made me smile, it did nothing for my 'self-esteem'. I don't believe that I'm beautiful, or the cutest.

I read once that : Tell a girl she's beautiful and she'll believe it for a moment. Tell a girl she's worthless and she'll believe it for the rest of her life.

And I honestly think that's true. Why, how, when did we become such fragile, vulnerable, insecure beings?

I was having one of my good days, and that evening, I bumped into my friend's mom and she said Makin bulat sekarang(You look chubbier now). I was like Ohoh biasa lah ha ha ha.

When in my heart I was like



and I'm not kidding, after I said goodbye I thought : Why can't a zombie bite me now so I can become one? GOD, I HATE LIFE.

And just like that, my whole day is ruined.

And I thank whoever made those two websites from the bottom of my heart, but when a girl is insecure, a website won't change that. And here's the most important fact :

EVERY GIRL THINKS SHE'S FAT. EVERY. GIRL.

No matter how skinny they are, they'll think they're fat. (Unless those like stick thin, maybe someone calling them fat would actually be a compliment, but that's super rare.)

My sister, who is so keding thinks she's fat. Someone asked my lecturer the other day Miss, do you think you're fat? and she said yes and we were all shocked.

And so imagine how someone whose weight is above average *cough* like me would feel. There are days when I feel SCREW ALL THIS INSECURE SHIT, WE'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL. And those days are hard to come by. Most days I'll feel OH GOD WHY AM I SO FAT WHY CAN'T I DONATE THESE FATS TO POOR CHILDREN WHY AM I STILL LIVING DID I JUST EAT SOME BROWNIES OH SHIT I'LL GAIN TWENTY POUNDS.

Sigh.

Why do we care so much about appearance? Why can't someone be beautiful on the inside and be enough? Wait, then I'll be more screwed. I'm even uglier on the inside.

Life is not worth living anymoreeee T______T

(Just kidding.)

I guess that's just how this world works.

Sometimes I look at pretty people and thought how great they must feel. SURE they have insecurities, but not as much as I do. I admire and envy girls who're confident in their own skin. Who knows they're beautiful and doesn't need anyone to convince them.

I wish I could insert something inspirational here. Like you're all beautiful screw what everyone thinks blah blah blah but then I'll be the biggest hypocrite ever.

If you're a guy and reading this and think WTF IS WRONG WITH GIRLS WHO'RE SO VAIN AND THINK THEY'RE FAT STFU YOU'RE NOT, IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME IF I THINK YOU'RE FAT I'LL CHRIS BROWN YOU,

WELL TRY BEING A GIRL FOR ONE DAY AND LET ME KNOW LATER OKAY. TRY BEING A HORMONAL GIRL, WITH PMS.

(But seriously, I hate skinny girls who said they're fat just to get compliments. You know who you are. STOP doing it.)

And the saddest part is? Every girl can relate to how I'm feeling right now. Like it's normal. When did having low self-esteem become 'normal'? Why can't it be everyone think beauty is just an illusion and it doesn't matter? Why can't THAT be normal?


Why do I have so many questions with no answers?

Why am I still blogging when I have to write a 1000-words essay for my assignment due Thursday?