The only way out is through.

So there was this one band I used to love. And in one of their songs, there's a line that goes : 'We're all addicted to something that takes away the pain.'

I thought nothing of the song at first, didn't even put it in my iPod. The first thing that came to my mind is, oh maybe addicted to drugs or alcohol or cutting, you know something along those lines. But I realized it doesn't need to be that extreme.

I look at myself and realize I have an addiction too, with internet, tv shows, books, music. Something you can escape to and forget your problems. I thank and feel grateful for that 44 minutes of an episode of The Walking Dead. The 21 minutes of The Big Bang Theory.

Or the 2 hours of a great movie. Which often starts from 'see nobody's life is perfect' to 'oh lol who am I kidding they have happy endings from where they live.'

But that can be bad thing; putting off feeling that, heartache. (Man I sound like someone who just got out of a relationship.) Like Dumbledore said, "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."

I'd like to think all these little problems I have is nothing, I'm just being dramatic it's not as bad as I think it is blah blah blah. But curse you, sleepless nights. Eyebags in the morning. How I wish we just have an ON/OFF button.

I suddenly remembered this one quote in Tuesdays With Morrie. About detaching yourself. I love the whole chapter where they talk about emotions. It basically tells you to feel, really feel the emotions you're feeling. "Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help."

And I thought how true this is. I often hold back of what I'm feeling and be like, blah if I ignore it, it will go away soon enough. Or I feel stupid for feeling something and instead of acknowledging it, I just push it out of my mind. But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes when I'm bored or can't sleep in the middle of the night, those feelings come back to haunt. "[...] you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."

We have to learn to detach.

"All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

"Okay. This is fear. Step away from it. Step away."

Not just fear. Frustrations, anger, sadness. Loneliness. Heartbroken. Any emotions you feel.

So that's what I'm trying to do now. When I'm sad for example, I try to get to the core, like this is how the pain in my heart feels. That feeling in your throat. The difficulty breathing, the sobbing. Let the tears flow. Just anything my body goes through, I try to make a mental note. And then I'll try to step away. It's just one of the many emotions I'm gonna feel. And even when I feel the same sadness again, I'd know when to detach myself.

"I'm not afraid of feeling [sadness], but now I'm going to put that [sadness] aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."

I don't watch a lot of Oprah but I know that A-HA moment when it happens. Reading that line really opens my eyes. I feel like I can control any emotions I feel now. I don't have to avoid it, but really experience it no matter how painful, how hard it hits me.

I think that's the problem with most people, they just keep the emotions bottled up inside. I don't mean bottle it up inside and not tell anyone what you're feeling, that's another different story. (Because I do it all the time too). This is about you helping yourself. In the end the only person that can help you is yourself, that's what they always told you isn't it? Nobody can help you drown yourself in the emotions and get out from it. But it's okay because you'll only come up stronger.

It's kind of like a clean break. Better to have your arms completely cut off than have it dangling around with wounds getting worse with every move you make.

"A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts, forever." - Joyce (The Little Black Book).



So that's what I'm gonna do from now. To detach myself, especially from regrets, worrying, over-thinking. Because damn it if emotions are stains, those 3 would be something even Clorox can't get rid of.




ps; I'm not exactly an eloquent writer, and that's why I borrowed a lot of quotes from books/movies, as inspirations. Or maybe that's what happens when you do too many assignments requiring you to 'cite it properly in APA format' yadda yadda yadda.


pss; If you haven't read Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, go buy it now. Or you can read it in pdf here for free (link opens in new tab).