Louder than words.

I like being alone.

Okay I'm not being emo here. It's just a fact.

I feel like if I'm walking with someone, I HAVE to talk. If I'm sitting with someone in the library, I HAVE to talk. Which I don't really like to do. Especially with someone you don't really share anything in common, except same class, same college. It's just awkward ...and uncomfortable.

I don't know if this comes as a surprise, because I THINK anyone who has been reading my blog would think I'm talkative. Just because I write a lot doesn't mean I talk a lot :)

I ALWAYS have a friend who LOVES to talk. Without fail. Move to another school? There's one. Going to camp? There's one. Going to college? There's one.
Sometimes more. I guess that way it's balanced. I don't mind, really.

I go to the library alone. Sometimes I have lunch at the cafeteria alone. I go to college alone, going back home alone. I have no problem going shopping alone. I spend most of the time (nowadays) with me, myself, and I. It's much easier if I go out alone because I'm fickle sometimes, I might change the plan at the last minute, and I don't have to worry about troubling someone else. I've become more independent.

I just don't care if anyone thinks 'Eee she's such a loner. Poor thing.' Especially when I'm having lunch. The trick is; to always bring something to read. That way people won't think too much of you being a loner. Seriously, it works.
Being alone is not as bad as it looks. Trust me. It's way underrated. I know some people who just HAVE to HAVE someone with them all the time. Not me.

Other than a 'loner'(overused word of the day), some people might think I'm anti-social too. I AM NOT. I AM NOT. It's just, when you're with people you don't really 'click' with, you don't really have anything to talk about, you know? You're not on the same wavelength with them.
Okay I'll try to explain this once, and as nicely as I possibly can.
Of course I want to join my college friends for lunch. But problem is, they always want to go to non-halal restaurants. Don't they know how insensitive and selfish they're being? So I have no choice, I can't go. Some of them were trying to be sweet and were like 'Oh Anis, you can eat the fish or the chicken, not the pork.' The cook uses the same pan, kuali, mangkuk whatever to cook the dishes. The hand that touches the pork, touches the chicken too. Get it?
(If my college friends are reading this, I'm sorry if I offended you.)

Being alone, it gives me time to think. I can't be thankful enough that no one can read my mind. Not that I think of perverted things, DUH, but I know YOU must've had that moment when you thought, 'I am so glad he doesn't know what I'm thinking now ;)' Notice how, sexual and perverted the smiley ;) is?! HAHAHA. It'd be different if I write : I am so glad he doesn't know what I'm thinking now :'(


The weird thing is, I'm the TOTAL OPPOSITE with my family. I can talk non-stop with my sister, and I'm so loud with my family. Like my mom has to ask me to 'turn down the volume' because I was too loud. And if you're close enough with me, you would have seen my 'crazy' side too. See 3 previous post.

I guess almost everyone can say 'Oh I'm shy with new people, but I'm crazy with my friends!' and I think that totally applied to me. And I also believe in the whole 'That's when you know you've found somebody special, when you can just shut up and comfortably enjoy the silence.'
Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.


"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."
— Jodi Picoult