just another path.

Have you ever been inside the ICU of a hospital? Ever have family members or friends in there? Ever seen death of your loved one, right in front of your eyes?
Well I have.

It changed my perspective on life. Some people just won't stop whining about how their life suck, wish they could just die, when these people are fighting for their life, every day, every second. Feels ugly and dread waking up early in the morning? These people cherish another morning. It's a gift from God that they're still breathing.
Us? The healthy, physically-perfect people, with 5 working senses, forgot to be grateful for even breathing right now.
When you're there, it feels all the problems in the world seem minuscule compared to what they're dealing with. Broke up with your boyfriend, your friend stabbed you in the back, your crush didn't even notice you, having a bad hair day, anything, anything at all, feels bearable compared to them.

There were small children, babies in there too. I don't even know how they did it. They're fighters. You know how in the ICU the visiting hours are very limited? Nobody sings them to sleep or read stories to them at night. The only sound they heard is probably the monotonous beeping of the ECG machine.

I saw it. I saw the flat line on the ECG machine. How my grandmother's heartbeat went from 78, and very slowly dropping till 65, and 37,32 and straight to zero. God, that feeling. I will never,ever forget. It looks so cliche, like something from the movies or tv, but if you've never been there when that happen, you can't imagine how that feels. I know she is gone when the doctor said she's on life support, but you just never stop hoping, you know? You hope, by some miracle she'll be okay. But that never happen.

I wonder how many deaths the doctors and nurses have seen, for the expression on their face when my grandmother died was, nothing. It looked so normal to them. When did they get so used to it? Does it get easier everytime? Is it just another 'normal' day to them? If death is normal, then what's not?

When I woke up today, I was hoping what happened these few days were just, a dream. I never thought this day would come. It was raining on the day of her death, as if the sky was crying too.

I guess that's life. Death is part of the process.

"Death is just another path, one that we all must take." - Gandalf.




Rest in peace, grandma.

Daripada Allah kita datang, kepada-Nya kita kembali.
Al-Fatihah.